Wednesday, May 06, 2009

X-Men Origins: Wolverine won't give The Dark Knight Night Sweats

There's this stack of papers, about 100 sheets or so. On those papers are letters. Those letters form words; and the words, sentences. Some of those sentences form dialogue--words that come out of the mouths of characters in a film, play, or TV episode--and combined with descriptive paragraphs, they form a story.

It's called a script. And the guys who made X-Men Origins: Wolverine forgot one. 'Nuff said.

OK, maybe not. A few random observations, more interesting than the movie itself:

1) You know you're on shaky ground when one of your movie's superheroes is played (badly) by a member of the Black-Eyed Peas.

2) I dare you to find a cheaper-looking $100-million-plus event movie than this one. It's shot with the workmanlike indifference of a Sci-Fi Channel late-night schlocker, the action scenes looks utterly cut-rate, and the CGI version of Patrick Stewart that surfaces at the film's end makes the cut scenes from the cheapest videogames look David-Lean-epic by comparison.

3) The relative merits of a Hugh Jackman movie seem to run directly in proportion to how much of his admittedly well-defined body is exposed for the camera; in otherwards, the more skin, the crummier the movie. Exhibit A for the Prosecution, your honor: The only film I've seen of Jackman's in which he's shirtless as frequently as this one is Van Helsing.

4) As disappointing as the third X-Men film was, I'd lay dollars to donuts that Wolverine stinks more. The former sported enough ideas for four movies and enough script for a half-of-one: The latter has enough ideas for a quarter of a movie, and enough script for one-eighth of one.

1 comment: said...

The only plus of this film WAS Hugh Jackman's frequent bare-chested-ness. It elevated this bad film to a titillating bad film!